STE: Barriers
by ZenosParadox
Summary: RS, how a Linguist breaks down the Lieutenant's barriers.


Title: Barriers  
  
Author: ZenosParadox  
  
Category: Friendship  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: R/S, Introspection on how a Communications Officer breaks down barriers for a Tactical Officer.  
  
Notes: Progress of a relationship. Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. This fiction was written solely for personal enjoyment.  
  
BARRIERS  
  
Barrier One:  
  
I was accustomed to being left alone and, frankly, solitude has often been enjoyable. Being alone has never been a problem for me. Loneliness, on the other hand... Still, I can be in a crowded room and suddenly be overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness. It will hit me like a wave--then I'll see her look my way.   
  
She doesn't put any effort into it; she just seems to know when I need to feel I am connected to someone. She'll give me a quick smile, perhaps even that little wink, and suddenly the loneliness dissipates. I feel her near me even when we are separated by a crowd.  
  
-------  
  
Barrier Two:  
  
I was accustomed to being absorbed in my work, neglecting everything to pursue my latest efforts at perfection. But then she comes in like a fresh breeze, a breath of fresh air that I didn't realize I needed.   
  
I follow her wherever she leads me, trusting her to guide me to the mess hall if I've forgotten to eat or to my quarters if I've let the time for sleep pass.   
  
Sometimes she has some technical problem, but doesn't want to go to our Chief Engineer for assistance. Not that he won't help her, but he tends to fix the problem himself rather than teach her how to repair it on her own. She knows that I won't do that.   
  
I know she wants to feel independent. Sometimes I become afraid of the day she will no longer need me. Perhaps Trip has the right idea.  
  
-------  
  
Barrier Three:  
  
I was accustomed to being on the outside looking in, keeping myself separate from those around me. It's part of my job to be watchful and vigilant to the dangers my crew faces.   
  
I have observed the subtle body language that each member emits to indicate relaxation, stress, weariness. I watch the way their facial expressions change, take note of peculiar habits each one has.   
  
Then I notice that she is watching me and we begin to play our game. She stands mimicking my gestures as I move my hands from across my chest and clasp them behind me. I rock slightly on my feet to adjust my weight and she does the same. I put my chin on one hand, my other supporting my elbow and she synchronizes to my movement.  
  
She even has that half-smile playing on her lips, but I know my own eyes cannot sparkle as hers do. Our game ends when she is called away. I am left standing alone.  
  
-------  
  
Barrier Four:   
  
I was accustomed to the bad dreams, the nightmares that haunt my memories during the day and plague my sleep at night. But lately, I look forward to sleep for in my dreams, she comes to me.   
  
No, the dreams are not always innocent, but then they are also rarely erotic. She comes to me in dreams where we share a simple pleasure, a walk on a beach, looking at the sky during a meteor shower, walking in an oriental garden.  
  
In one dream we were walking with our children. She brings me comfort in those dreams and drives away my demons. Perhaps someday I will share my dreams with her.  
  
-------  
  
Barrier Five:   
  
I was accustomed to keeping my emotions in check and ensuring the mask I put on remains intact. It is important to control yourself tightly when the ship's security is your responsibility.   
  
You learn to hold in your panic so those around you remain calm. You learn to hold in your anger so that you don't do something foolish to disrupt the politics of the situation. You even learn to hold back your affections so that no one can accuse you of favoritism.   
  
But she has seen me without my mask. And she did not panic when she saw my fear nor did she make me feel guilty when she saw my anger. She did not even reject me when she saw my affection. She leaves me with a feeling of hope.  
  
--------  
  
I am not accustomed to feeling so strongly about someone, but she makes it something exhilarating rather than fearful. I am not accustomed to being so vulnerable to someone, but she makes me feel strong as long as we are together. I am not accustomed to sharing my life; I make mistakes constantly but she forgives me. I am not accustomed to having plans for the future that include another life, a family.   
  
She teases me that I will be her only child for a while. I smile as I think about the promise that is left unspoken.   
  
*****  
  
Author Notes:  
  
Written August 2, 2002. 2 pages. Published at Linguistics Database.  
  
No reviews necessary. Thanks for taking the time to read the story. 


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